Hello best friend since 10 years ago, these 10 years wasn't easy and we always have each other's back. Something I'm so grateful for, despite the change in me in such a short period of time. I know you got disappointed, over and over again. Worrying for me, but still accepting the change because I lost motivation to do a n y t h i n g.

You need help? Here I am, any time. Don't feel so panicky all the time, don't be paranoid, everything's fine. You got Ken, you got Jan, you got Molly and you got me! So don't, don't over think. Don't feel lost, you got us. Any time, any where. Hoping the next time I hear you get so panicky is when you are gonna get married ok!

Love you a lottt!



So now I've been in Japan for 11 days and I am literally chilling my life away. Blogging through my phone, with my little niece sitting beside me watching bananas in pajamas. What a life that not every one can acheive but all these don't come easy. Taking some free time to fill up this barely-anyone-read-space.

Graduated from Nanyang Poly last month, 31st of May. So thankful to have Sister and Brother in law coming down to support me in replacement of Mum.. and Dad? Er.... Its gonna be awkward if he were to come anyway. Though I was never a top student nor an average student.  I'm glad I got more responsible in Poly compared to Secondary. Having the fear of retaining every year in Guangyang made me buck up a lot more in Poly. I graduated with a gpa nearly hitting 3 and I am satisfied. Hahaha all I blame was intern, IF ONLY I HAD AN A. WHICH THE PREVIOUS BATCH ALL HAD As.... I would hit the 3 mark. Seriously.... Ok forget it I will never ever see that shortie anyway.

After poly, unable to enter a local U (ya duh cause the gpa to enter sky high what) I guess I've decided to complete my Bachelor in Kaplan, taking a private. Bo bian, don't want to work must continue studying.. I miss Singapore, being able to spend the money I earn, feel horrible taking Mum's money over here and I barely even shopped. Had a nice sweet Anna Sui bag from Mum as graduation gift, whoop thank god its not girly and it suit me! Sister got a small version of the same bag, hahaha how cute despite we are 16 years apart. That aside, she gave me her Agnes B bag from 3 years ago, cause she was complaining its too soft. (Thank god I didn't even ask for any bags back then, waiting for her to pass it down to me was a smart move)

A little panicky about my new life studying private, a little scared that I can't keep the playful side of me when i start school.  Wonder how my life will be when I step into a new chapter
.. And after this chapter, I gotta step out to society and work....... Ok let me marry someone rich please kthxbye hahahahahah



So where have you been all my life?

Been missing out so much that my last post was actually in January? Wow how 2013 pass so fast that now its already March.  I guess its nothing much just that I've finally completed my 3 years of Poly diploma. Coming up with my graduation show and of course my real graduation show in May.

I can't really describe this feeling I have, being in Poly 3 years. I actually am quite quiet during year 1 till mid of year 2? I guess that's the different when you have a boyfriend and in a new environment. All you do is to restrain yourself to prevent other party dying from jealousy or any sort. Till I was single, I opened up more and play with my classmates more despite being 18. So I guess that's why I feel a bit out of place?

I don't know if I will miss this class a not because honestly I am not extremely close, which I guess its good in some ways cause they say once you get too attached, its hard to part.  And having too many different clique of friends? I cannot handle already la!!!

Moving on!

Haven't been having the best time yet for this year because I don't feel happy la. Falling ill, arguing and sorts, tears me a little but whatever it will be okay. At least I wish things would be okay. NOW I AM OFFICIALLY AN ADULT, chey talk only hahaha but I wish to handle things more maturely, so just don't brood so much things will be fine!






"How many times have you been in love? Like really love, pain flowing through your body as fast as how blood circulate in you. How you want to die, how you end up hurting yourself. You tried so hard to salvage, to maintain, to hold on, to do everything you can, to sacrifice and make everything right. Its all in... You have no guarantee of the result, you know? To go through those torture, those pain you get when you got nothing even though that was your best shot. That's the first stage.

What's stage 2? You adapt, all the sudden change, no morning text, nobody to tell you your day will be fine eventually, no late night movie, no lazing sunday together. Sitting on the same couch just that nobody scoot over to you. You become lonely, but meanwhile you grew stronger. But not immune yet, every single time you heard the name and you start panicking, preparing yourself checking if he/she is nearby.. You tear whenever you look at the same photograph, you know it hurts but you still look at it, cause that's the only thing you can keep. You can only keep everything to yourself.

Sitting at the cafe we used to go, order the food we like the most but the only difference is you are the one gaining the extra pound cause nobody's sharing it with you, you feel alone. You're no longer as cheerful, no longer confident. You eat slowly, picturing the past and slowly tears flow down. But each time, you tear lesser. Days, weeks, months passed by and you do the same routine over and over again. Its not hurting as much, but you still miss and stuck in the misery. The biggest question, called "Why?"

No point living there, all your friends tell you that.. Slowly, you try to light up a little, and it only increase day by day. You got attention from all the people around because they got attracted to your original self, the one who is wearing a smile to the same cafe, the positive vibe you carry. You live on a quote everyday "Don't ask why it ended, just smile because it happened" Yeah, that makes you reminisce and you think of those happy times. At least you had those moments before, tell yourself be contented. Stage 2's so long, it took so long.. Well, at least it makes you feel way better right now.

Taking baby steps to the 3rd Stage... You go out more often, party with girlfriends, stay over, outgoing self is back! Time for? Dating! Yes dating, go on a date, or even dates.. Choose another one worth your time, or another one that you feel comfortable with. Nobody's rushing you, nobody wanna remind you of the pain so hush hush, don't be afraid. On days alone, you look back and think "Hey that's quite a rough road but you got over, you are better" Yeah you start to impress yourself, and chuckle a little how much fuss you made back then when you were back in Stage 1.

Moving on to Stage 4.. Enjoying the company of your date, wanting to take it slow, needing more time, but its okay cause nobody's rushing you. Even your date understands you better, which makes you even more comfortable and happier in love. You are looking forward to everyday now, looking forward to a better happier life that awaits you. Its as if like it's the right one now, but you never let your walls down easily ever again. Its still firm, poor date. After all, who wants themselves to get hurt?

You are holding back cause you are afraid that whenever you hear the name, you still get adrenaline rush, whenever you hear she/he is in trouble you get worried, whenever she/he is calling, you have the temptation to pick up, whenever you see her/him you just wanna give a big tight hug, whenever she/he surprises you out of nowhere, you melt. You are afraid that you get soft-hearted despite she/he leaving you in a whole room filled with "Whys" That's why you are not giving 100% into the new date,  caught in the middle, fifth stage

It's impossible to totally not have feelings for the someone you used to care so much, but all you know its that... It will all fade away, someone new WILL step into your life to make you love like you've never gotten hurt before. You won't be afraid anymore, and this time when you are giving it all out cause you are definitely sure." Once bitten, twice shy 



3rd day into new year, I am already feeling like this? Wow bring me something better in 2013 would'ya

Ever had someone that you see almost everyday, but hardly talk, only greet, and only some small conversations, not much feeling but you respect a lot, not much common topic and whenever you two talk you still jitter even after more than half a year? Then out of the sudden, the person called you and break you into pieces, you end up feeling the pain you avoided for months and then now you think back, its still stinging you??

I don't know how to explain this feeling but its terrifying, I am helpless, I don't know what to do, what's right what's wrong to do. I wanna help, but I know I'm not obliged to. I know nobody would agree for me to help. I think its really painful to watch human learning the hard way.. I personally learn things the hard way, that's what my best friend told me. I didn't even realize that, but now I can see it in others, human have to learn the hard ways at times.











After FYP, we're all going for attachment, this batch of FYP people are really noisy. I miss all of them even though like we're in different group, but the Fusion people always laugh and make the lab livelier (?) So screw you french guy, ok. You don't know what is fun, always so stress that's why you are baaaaaaaaaald just myob tyvm 







I dozed off many times the WHOLE time after lunch, okay so this is bad. Its a sign to sleep now like now. Ok goodnight everybody and I miss my classmates :(

xx layout